Postmodernism, or Yellow Labs and Golden Retrievers are the Same Dog.

Dear Ms. Inquiry,


What is the difference between a yellow lab and a golden retriever?  All I see is different hair, and if that were enough to classify a different breed of dog, did Devin Townsend turn into a different breed of demon when he cut his hair?


I require your skills of a POSTMODERNIST,
You 

That's right, kids.  Lately, this question has been bothering me so much that I'm going to answer it in my own blog, so you can see LOGIC IN ACTION™.  Is there any real, important difference between a yellow lab and a golden retriever?  I can't see it!  After all, there is a bigger difference between a Devin Townsend and a Devin Townsend

THESE THINGS ARE THE SAME

than there is between a golden retriever and a yellow lab.

Golden retrievers are just yellow labs who listen to Phish and vote for Dennis Kucinich.

To prove that the difference between a golden retriever and a yellow lab is just a social construct used to KEEP THE DOG DOWN, I will use a critical theory methodology called postmodernism.  Use it on your friends!

Now as you know, adding post- before anything instantly boosts your indie cred.  Back before Guinea Pigs in Galoshes (you've probably never heard of them) made their first EP in the kitchen of their french horn player's grandma's house, postmodernists were writing about "the belief that many, if not all, apparent realities are only social constructs, as they are subject to change inherent to time and place" (oh yea, Wikipedia.)

You know that phrase, "Let's call a spade a spade?"  Well, whoever came up with that was probably playing poker with a postmodernist who insisted she had a royal flush due to the socially constructed nature of card suits.  Postmodernists say that you shouldn't assume that there's just one reality you gotta accept.  In fact, the people who try to tell you what's what are probably just making it up!

For fun, find a big group of guitar nerds, make a paper airplane out of The Rolling Stone's Top 100 Guitarists, and see them tear each other to pieces as they debate their own realities.  In fact, watch as the one guy who thinks Robert Fripp should be #1 actually turns purple.  And when everyone else tells him that he should go to the hospital, because he's purple, say that purple is a social construction.  The suggestions from this blog will make you a hit at parties!

So to answer your question, me, a postmodernist would agree with you: there is no difference between a yellow lab and a golden retriever!  It's all a social construction!  

Yours in post-inquiry,

Me